Divorce is hard on all of the family. It’s tricky for the respective partners going their separate ways and it’s difficult for any children involved. If these children are of a younger age, it can be even trickier as they often can’t understand what’s happening and why. However, there are some things you can do to ease your children through a divorce.
First of all, find a family solicitor you can trust. They won’t necessarily be the one helping you through the actual legal process of the divorce, but they can provide advice as to how to best approach it – keeping the best interests of you and your family in mind.
Secondly, let your children feel free to discuss their feelings with you without any fear of judgement or anger raising their ugly heads. It is crucial that you don’t bad-mouth your ex-partner in front of them or blame anything on them. Although things you say might be true, your children are not the people you need to rant to; save this for friends or a therapist. All your children need and want is a shoulder to cry on; someone who can tell them it will all be ok in the end.
Next, if and your partner have found yourselves in an acrimonious relationship, try not to convey this to your children. Although of course they must understand that adults don’t always get on, the last thing they need is to be in the middle of the pair of you fighting. It can cause stress, anxiety and potentially even illness, so keep your heated discussions behind closed (soundproof) doors.
Lastly, don’t be tempted to make things up just to ease the feelings of your child. Be as honest with them as you can be without making either of you out to be the bad guy. Just explain that you don’t love each other the way you used to, but that you will each have a place in your heart for the other always – thanks to how much you both love the children. It’s important to be truthful with them as no child wants to be lied to, but you must be sensitive at the same time.
